Well, I couldn’t stay away for long, so you’re welcome :) So many things have been going on lately, most of which don’t make any sense, and I can honestly say that you guys probably know about as much regarding what’s happening in my life as I do. It’s strange to be on the sidelines of your own life, but it does give you a very interesting perspective. And it helps you to understand (or at least to consider) that the only person who you can really count on is yourself. You can’t control what others do or don’t do, or how much light or darkness they bring to the world; rather, you can only choose how you respond. The Force is strong within us, and it is up to us to choose: take on the world as a true Jedi, as a force of light and goodness…or give in to the darkness and follow the path of the Sith. I have never once even considered the remote possibility of officially joining the “Dark Side”, but I have to admit that it is hard to fight against some of these negative feelings and actions, as both light and dark live in us all.

Pain itself is a strong teacher, but what we choose to learn from it is up to us. Deep pain can push us to change for the better, to learn the true meaning of what is good and what is bad. It can also inspire us to lash out against those closest to us, to spread more pain in an attempt to vanquish it and hide from our fears. Our response to pain is not a one-time choice, it is a decision that we must continue choosing day after day, hour after hour, even as the pain grows deeper and the lessons more profound.

But there is one thing that pain cannot touch: HOPE. Hope in ourselves, in each other, in love, in the universe, and in the belief that good will always win out over darkness in the end. Life is not a stagnant pond but an evolving ocean, and where there was once goodness and love, goodness and love can grow again. Or be rediscovered. This is the way of things.

Lately, I haven’t been able to sleep well. Every night brings new pesadillas (nightmares) and the morning isn’t much better. But I choose to believe in hope and the power of love, even when all seems lost. As Han says, “Never tell me the odds!”

Anyway, while we’re on the subject of nightmares, I had been thinking about sharing some of my poetry with you guys on this site. Two years ago, in August of 2014, I was also having nightmares, and at that time I wrote a very strange but fairly accurate poetic description of my dream from August 11, 2014. Who knows, it might be weird, but maybe it can also be useful or at least an interesting way to spend 2 minutes. And as I believe in balance, to make sure I give you your happy fix as well, here is a funny video of Matt Damon sneaking onto Jimmy Kimmel’s show:

 

“Alone together”

Door open, he enters slowly. Silent footsteps tread hard tile floor, stopping only as his head nudges my left side.
This is not the home he knows. This sterile, cold room belongs to no one, yet, somehow, here we are.
Voices outside the door, but their sound has no meaning as we
Feel each other’s presence, alone together.
My hand and wrist now held in his mouth, obeying some unspoken command which we both, somehow, understand.

Breath short, I glance at his teeth, sharp and ominous around my fragile limb. Someone enters, speaks in muddy tones, but nothing makes sense.

The cave of his mouth envelops my hand and lower arm, gently, yet I am afraid.
Like a cat at play, or perhaps intending to dominate me and my thoughts.

I am still trapped. My hand moves slightly, the jaws clamp harder in their spiked cage. Or their love bite. What is the truth of the matter?

Truthfully, let me go!! And yet, I know this a test must be. To give up control to him, this unknown being who dares me to trust him. Or perhaps I have no choice.

The air is filled with silence and ominous truths. I tug my arm free, violently, and he releases his grip. Silently, the large cat leaves, but the door remains open.

Again, voices in the hall, but no one enters. I cannot leave, the space around me exists but I am frozen in it.

The door is half shut.

I know he is coming before he enters, but soon the door opens wide, silently, and he prowls to my side.
Again, my hand and wrist in his mouth.
The fear rises, but I stay my hand and command myself: “Be still!”

Teeth cut into skin, slowly yet blood should soon be rising.
I gasp as the pain deepens.
My hand demands energy for freedom.
One breath and I tear it away, flesh ripping as we escape. Body and soul together
With a jagged wound, bloodless.

Perplexed, I stare as the cat vanishes through the open door.

Others enter, or perhaps only voices traversing the silence. Space, time, sound, I am alone yet surrounded.

Outside the sterile room, the world awaits. I stand frozen, looking towards the unknown.

With a deep breath, I step forward through the vanished door.